There are a million things happening in my mind, but in reality the only thing happening is me sitting around doing nothing. In the course of a day I have painted walls, created crafts or pieces of art or jewelry, gone back to school, grown a pair and demanded the work I want, decorated rooms, baked, cooked fabulous meals, lost weight, gotten married, had a baby. In my mind. I want to do all of these things. I don't do any of these things. I get up the same time everyday. Take the same shower everyday. Drive the same commute everyday. Sit and basically do nothing at the same desk everyday. Drive the same commute home everyday. Make the same five meals. On the weekends I wash the same loads of laundry and do the same chores. Over and over and over.
Tired, bored, in a rut blah, blah, blah.
I won't say I'm not happy. That wouldn't be true. I am happy. I have a great guy that I love (even if he drives me crazy). I actually love my job, when I have projects to work on. I'm sure it will pick up. These past few weeks have been like torture though. It sucks to be stuck somewhere for eight hours with very little to do. It's actually exhausting. I come home from my day of doing nothing with no energy and no motivation to work on the things I would love to be doing while I'm chained to my desk. How's that for a stupid double edged sword or vicious circle or whatever you want to call it. I'm sure years from now when/if I have kids I will look back on this and want to punch myself in the face, but for now it BLOWS.
